What does the Asian community need right now and how am I uniquely positioned to help? If you, like us, have been tenderly asking yourself this question, we created Give Good Care Classes for you.
When there is so much pain to care for, it can feel overwhelming. We hope this can be a healing space for you to take a breath, receive support, and form relationships with others committed to creating for and/or serving the Asian community, too.
This week, we’re trying something new. Press the play button up top to listen to a recording of this week’s newsletter. If you enjoy this audio version, hit reply and let me know what you think!
Dear Care Team,
I care deeply about the Asian community and feel especially saddened by the current events. But I'm so overwhelmed with all this information and resources that sometimes I'm not sure I'm doing enough with it. Sharing, donating and having those conversations around anti-racist work doesn't seem like enough and I feel helpless.
What advice do you have in the journey of being an activist? Do we need to occupy more than one lane?
Sincerely,
Tired AF
Dear Tired AF,
In these times of chaos and crisis, I hope you take a moment to honor the work you’ve already done to get here. You’re doing the best you can. We all are.
While I’m still growing in my own activism (and I will for the rest of my life!), I’ve picked up *some* wisdom along the way. Here are 3 important lessons I’ve learned:
1) Feel your feelings!
Growing up, I was the “independent, strong, take-no-shit” oldest daughter in my family, which later morphed into playing the “strong friend” role in all my relationships. As a result, I could move fast, think quickly in stressful situations, and hold things together when others needed me most, without falling apart.
I thought I had a superpower that made me somehow better equipped to handle the suffering in the world. But it came at great personal cost. Because our bodies aren’t designed to sustain the amount of trauma we’re facing or made aware of through social media. When our nervous systems are overloaded, our bodies disconnect, de-sensitize, or dissociate to create distance from what hurts.
Since my coping mechanism of choice was to focus on doing — rather than feeling — I grew increasingly numb. Bad things always felt bad, but good things never felt good. It was a really dark place to be, and worst of all, I was alone there.
Now, I’ve learned that my emotions are information. They inform me of when my boundaries have been crossed, where I feel safe, and what I need. They often serve as a guide to the causes that matter most to me. And most importantly, they connect me to our shared humanity. As one of our Give Good Care Accelerator practitioners Rameya S. once told me, “Shared joy is a doubled; shared pain is halved.”
2) Figure out what your gifts are and how you can bring them to movements you care about.
The quickest way to burnout is to try to do everything. I don’t think it’s possible (or fair) to expect ourselves to stand on as many frontlines as accounts we follow on Instagram.
To help you “find your lane”, I’d like to pass the mic to Deepa Iyer, a South Asian American writer, strategist, lawyer, and racial justice advocate who created the social change ecosystem map. I’d highly recommend downloading the Mapping Our Roles in Social Change Ecosystems Guide and spending some time with it!
And if you want to learn what the Asian womxn community needs and meet others who are passionate about this work, check out our “What Matters when Serving Asian Womxn” workshop on Sunday March 14th!
3) Give yourself permission to define activism for yourself.
Now that I can feel (and cry!) again, I’ll be honest — I feel like a shitty activist. Because I’m forming new connections to my emotions that I’ve never had before, I feel fucking fragile and so. DAMN. sensitive. This means I can’t show up in the same ways anymore. But this quote from Lama Rod Owens in Radical Dharma helps me make peace with myself: “I’m working to end racism and oppression, but at the same time I want to be liberated. I want to thrive. I want to be happy.”
I invite you to define activism in a way that aligns with your values. If it helps, here’s my personal definition: activism is any conscious act that promotes healing, awareness, and liberation. With my current capacity, I have 3 main frontlines: healing my trauma, practicing community care in my IRL relationships, and supporting Asian womxn in The Cosmos and Give Good Care communities.
Is that enough? I don’t know, but it’s what I can do right now on top of showering, feeding myself, and surviving this pandemic. I’m learning my capacity waxes and wanes, just like cycles in nature. By being attuned to what I can do wherever I am in those cycles, I can continue to play in the long-game of dismantling oppressive systems alongside you.
With love and care,
Cassandra Lam
Give Good Care Classes
We created these classes for anyone committed to creating for and/or serving the Asian community. May we all rise up to hold one another close through this difficult time.
What Matters when Serving Asian Womxn
Sunday 3/14, 12-3 PM ET
In this 3-hour class, you'll:
Be the first to hear our exclusive story about what Asian womxn need -- all built through surveys, conversations with The Cosmos community, and our experience serving Asian womxn for 3 years
Work together in small groups to align your energy and skills with the needs of the community
Write a narrative that you can share authentically with the community about what you can offer, and what you're still learning
Feel warm and supported if you want to share the fears, uncertainties, and "am I qualified" feelings that may come up in serving the Asian community
Facing Money Fears for Asian Womxn Entrepreneurs
Tuesday 3/16, 5-7:30 PM ET
Whether you grew up in a household that never talked about money or constantly stressed over it, these experiences have likely shaped you. In this 2.5 hour workshop, you’ll be guided in caring for your money fears so that you can show up abundantly for your clients, creative projects, and/or community.
You’ll learn how to:
Care for feelings of shame and guilt through mindfulness practices
Explore limiting beliefs about money stored in your mind and body
Connect with Asian womxn who are also facing their fears of “the numbers”
Reframe your relationship to money in a way that aligns with your values
Set money goals for your business or creative project that honor your needs
Community Offerings
Register for a free healing event centering the AAPI community this Friday 3/5 12PM ET, hosted by Ethel’s Club in partnership with Asian American Feminist Collective and Ivy Kwong.
Recommended Reads
“What if we look at community as a constellation of care that each of us is responsible to build, share, nourish, and honor, one relation at a time?” - Constellations of Care: On Small Scale Solidarities
“If you think about it, this work of caring for our children as nannies, or our aging parents as homecare workers, is some of the most profound and important work in our lives. We call it the work that makes everything else possible, because it makes it possible for all of us to go out and do what we do every day, knowing that some of the most precious aspects of our lives are in good hands.” - This Is Our (Caring) Revolution
“Where controlling structures aim to tame, punish, discipline; care listens. Care responds to feedback. Care does not demand a singular outcome. It is instead adaptive.“ - The World We Want
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